Americans VS Russians Episode Two
by GigabyteExcel
Summary: Americans argue over stupid shit while Leviathan escapes and Pony finds a really big worm.


(Frost) Sir should we call for a new jeep?

(Gigabyte) Yeah lets call for a new jeep.

(Frost) Okay sir.

(Frost) Hello command

(Frost) This is American Army in the(bfmapname)

(Command) Hello soldiers what do you need?

(Frost) A new jeep.

(Command) A new jeep what happend to the last one?

(Frost) Well.

*flash back*

(Naga) OHH LOOK FROST HE WENT LIKE

(Naga) A WHOLE NINE FEET

*comes back*

(Frost) Yeah... it got destroyed from an RPG.

(Command) Uhh we can't give you a new one.

(Command) The LZ zone is pretty hot right now

*looks around*

*cricket creeeeek creeeeek creeeeek*

(Frost) Ohh yeah I can TOTALLY UNDERSTAND

(Command) Yeah... command over and out.

*retard that blew up the jeep shows up*

(Naga) Hey we should ask for a boat.

(Frost) Ohh yeah that's a great idea.

(Frost) Lets get a FUCKING BOAT

(Frost) IN THE FUCKING MOUNTAINS

(Naga) Bro if we can't get a jeep lets atleast get a boat.

(Frost) Why?

(Naga) We will call it

(Naga) S.S. HOOKER

(Naga) AND WE WILL SAIL THE SEVEN SEAS DRINKING BEERS WITH OUR HOOKERS

(Naga) IT WILL BE SOOOOOO AWSOME

(Frost) I think that's the mother fucking absolutely BEST IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD FROM YOU.

(Frost) Command command come in this is US Army again

(Command) Yeah what do you need.

(Frost) We want a boat.

(Frost) A boat hmm I think I can fly one there.

(Frost) Wait you can fucking fly a baot here but not a fucking jee*boat falls on him*

(Command) We're heading out.

*RU bases*

(Stratos) Sir I think the US Army just got a boat.

(retarded commander Cupcake)Ohh god they must be using their new armored land boat

(Cupcake) I hear it has TWO 120mm cannons

(Cupcake) And 2 50 cal MG's

(Stratos) OHH GOD IT SOUNDS LIKE A TANK

(Stratos) TIMES TWO

(Stratos) WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO SIR?

(Cupcake) Hmm well lets see

(Cupcake) Boats...hmmmmm

(Cupcake) What really fucks up boats?

(Stratos) I GOT IT

(Stratos) KILLER WHALES

(smart soldier comes in )

(Archangel) You mean an Orca?

(Cupcake) What's an Orca?

(Archangel) An Orca you know.

(Archangel) It's a whale black and white spotted

(Stratos) Ohh you mean a Killer whale

(Archangel) Dude no Killer whale is just another name for Orca

(Archangel) Right Cupcake?

(Cupcake) You're one fucking real retard.

(Cupcake) There's no such thing as an orca.

(Cupcake) Now lets call for that Killer whale.

(Cupcake) Command command come in this is RU base.

(Command) Hello we read you.

(Cupcake) We would like A KILLER WHALE.

(command)So you want an orca?

(Cupcake) Yeah... an Orca

(Archangel) HEY THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID

(Cupcake) Command we also have a retard here.

(Cupcake) He thinks killer whale is the official name for Orca

(Cupcake) Can we demote him?

(Command) You can't demote someone because they're retarded.

(Archangel) YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES

(Cupcake) Ohh... so can we get an Orca command?

(Command) Ohh sure

(Command) But why?

(Cupcake) The enemy is using their new armored mobile boat tanks on us.

(Command) Do you want us to orca bomb it?

(Cupcake) Yes sir

(Archangel) So are they really going to drop an Orca on a boat?

*back at US base*

(Frost) Okay I'm almost out of this thing

*ORCA FALLS ON BOAT WITH ME UNDER IT*

(Frost) OHH GOD FUCKING DAMNIT

*RU base*

(Cupcake) What do you see?

(Stratos) OHH MY GOD IT WORKED

(Stratos) It also looks like a soldier was mounting the boat

(Stratos) TWO BIRDS ONE STONE

(Stratos) YEAH

(Cupcake) FOR THE MOTHER LAND

(Cupcake) MORE VODKA FOR EVERYONE

(Cupcake) But before you have any go check on the captive.

*US base*

(Gigabyte) Hey Frost use your combat knife and cut throught that thing.

(Frost) Dude you can't kill a killer whale

(Frost) That's like killing a black astronaught

(Frost) Which is equvivalent to killing a unicorn.

(Frost) THose things are fuciking mystical and majestic as fvck

*ru base*

(the captive Leviathan)

*Stratos walks in*

(Leviathan) Psst hey Pony.

(Leviathan) I think that guy wants to try some of your gum

(Pony) OHH

(Pony) YOU WANT UYHHH SOME GUM?

(Stratos) Wait no no

*gets condom shoved in mouth*

(Stratos) mhmhmhmmhmhmhmhmh

(Leviathan) Hey Pony can you untie me now?

(Pony) Sure

(Leviathan) Thanks Pony

(Leviathan) I'm going back to base

*meanwhile Russians*

(Cupcake) MORE VODKBLARGAGHGHGHGH

*Leviathan walks back to base*

(Leviathan) YEAH REAL HELPS GUY

(Leviathan) THANKS FOR SAVING ME BACK

(Leviathan) Wait

(Leviathan) Is that an Orca?

(Leviathan) And why is Frost under it.

(Gigabyte) What's an Orca but on side note

(Gigabyte) We got a sweet new Killer whale and a Boat though.

(Leviathan) Dude you don't know what an Orca is?

(Leviathan) It's the official name of killer whale

(Gigabyte) Pshh that's a nice joke

(Gigabyte) Next you're going to tell me Dinosaurs are real.

(Frost) Yeah Leviathan you retard.

(Leviathan)Shut up Frost or I will kick mud on your face while you're stuck

(Leviathan) But Dinosaurs are real

(Gigabyte) You mean Dragons?

(Gigabyte) I'm going to try to get you demoted for retardism

(Leviathan) Retardism isn't a thing.

(Gigabyte) Ohh yeah want to bet?

(Gigabyte) Command command come in

(Gigabyte) So this retard over here

(Gigabyte) Thought killer whales weren't real.

(command) You mean ORcas?

(Gigabyte) *looks at Leviathan*

(Gigabyte) Yeah Orcas

(Gigabyte) He thought Killer whales were the official name of Orcas

(leviathan)Ughhh

(Leviathan)The Russians don't have to deal wtih this shit*

*Frost squeezes out of Orca*

(Frost) Ughh finally

*Naga shows up*

(Naga) HOLY SHIT

(Naga) DID THAT ORCA JUST GIVE BIRTH TO Frost?

(Frost) Wait what?

(Naga) HOLY SHIT BRO YOUR DAD WAS HERE AND BANGED AN ORCA?

(Frost) Wait what... no?

(Frost) We're in the middle of a fucking mountain in a war

(Frost) No my dad wasn't here.

(Naga) Why did you come out of that orca then?

(Frost) Bro I don't even think that's biologicaly possible

(Naga) Dude you're half Orca...

(Naga) So can you breathe under water?

(Frost) What no.

(Naga) Dude is that a boat under the Orca?

(Leviathan) Yeah

(Gigabyte) It kinda got smashed

(Naga) BRO COMMAND GAVE US AN ORCA AND A BOAT WHEN WE ASKED FOR IT I WASN'T HERE.?

(Naga) We're still going to call it SS Hooker

(Naga) And we sail the seven seas and drink beer with our HOOKERS RIGHT!?

(Frost) Ohh yeah totally

(Leviathan) But what about the Orca?

(Naga) Well now that we got an Orca

(Naga) Why don't we get the Orca to tug the boat.

(Naga) And we get Orca bitches too?

(Leviathan) You guys are fucking retards

(Gigabyte) Leviathan STOP PUTTING DOWN GOOD IDEAS

(Gigabyte) Now tell me about these

(Gigabyte) Orca bitches.

(Leviathan) Ughh the Russians don't have to deal with this shit*

*meanwhile Russians*

*Pony walks in while everyone is getting drunk*

(Cupcake) OHH SHIT

(Cupcake) DON'T LET PONY DRINK ANYTHING.

(Cupcake) HE GETS REALLY HORNY AND TRIGGER HAPPY.

(Cupcake) QUICK SOMEONE THROW SOME MARKERS AT HIM OR SOMETHING

(Stratos) Hey pony look

(Stratos) Worms outside.

(Stratos) uhhh

(Archangel) four clicks south

*four clicks south*

*American base*

(Pony) UGHH OKAY

(Pony) ME GO GET WORMS

*Meanwhile Americans*

(Base alarm) ALERT ALERT ALERT ENEMY HAS ENTERED AMERICAN SOIL ALERT ALERT

*meanwhile pony*

*trips*

(Pony) OHH UHH WOOPS

(Pony) Now I all black and dirty with mud.

*Americans*

(Gigabyte) Ohh shit a black armored special forces unit with black armor

(Frost) We're so fucked

*pony ohh look a worm*

*bends over to grab*

*meanwhile me*

(Frost) I got this guys

*50 cal sniper*

*fires right as Pony pick up a worm*

(Frost) HOLY SHIT THIS GUY CAN DODGE BULLETS

(Frost) WHAT THE FUCK.

(Leviathan)He can't dodge a Machine gun

*Pony*

(Pony) Ohh look another worm

*slides in mud and slide behind rock*

*leviathan shoots machine gun*

(Leviathan) HOLY SHIT HE MOVED BEHIND THE ROCK RIGHT AS I FIRED

(Gigabyte) RETREATTTTTTTT

*pony*

(Pony) OHH LOOK A GIANT WORMY

*Pony looks at Orca*

(Pony) I bring back to base

(Pony) UGHH TOO BIG TO CARRY

(Pony) I GO GET JEEP

*WALKS BACK TO BASE AND GETS JEEP AND TUGS ORCA BACK TO BASE*

*meanwhile Russians*

(Cupcake) Ohh god that was a close one.

(Cupcake) Where did you send him

(Archangel) 4 clicks south

(Cupcake) DUDE THE AMERICANS ARE THERE

(Cupcake) THEY'RE GOING TO KILL HIM.

*Pony drives up in jeep with an Orca*

(Pony) I FIND BIG WORMY

(Archangel) See I told you he's fine.

(Archangel) Wait what the fuck did he just steal an orca?

*meanwhile Americans*

(Gigabyte) It looks like the Russians ran away

(Gigabyte) HAHA THEY MUST HAVE BEEN SCARED OF MY COMBAT RECORD

(Frost) Sir you ordered the retreat

(Frost) Also you have 17 AWOLS and 19 defeats

(Frost) If you had an army I could probably beat your entire army with a group of monkeys with ak 47s

(Leviathan) Actually infact

(Leviathan) It says that was your most recent defeat

(Leviathan) VS some ... monkeys...

(Gigabyte) Well time for bed NIGHT.

EPISODE 2 DONE


End file.
